Pain

Woke up today in a lot of pain. My hips are throbbing. Went to the barn at the crack of dawn to meet the dentist for my horse and then barely managed to make it till around 1. Came home and took 1/2 of a norco and some benadryl (for allergies, a cold? i dont know) and then passed out on the couch for a few hours. Oh, put a lidocane patch on too.

Just one of those days. One of those days that I was wanting to kill the world.. no real reason, just pissed off. Tried riding my horse, that didn't work I even tried sleeping away the anger, that didn't work! Went over to a friends house for awhile... that didn't help either. Am going for a walk in a little bit (it is approx 2.6 miles) hopefully that will help!

213

The dreaded number I can't seem to get past :( I have worked my ass off this week, and to no avail I am stuck at this horrid number again!

So sorry that I haven't been on here in a long long long time. My life has been crazy. I moved away from home for awhile, wound up in the psych unit twice, got in a severe car accident Jan of 2011, had my gallbladder and left ovary out, started school for photography and changed my mind and am starting school for psychology starting Feb of this year. Lets see where do I start... Jan 24th, 2011 I was T-Boned in an intersection, pushed on the curb and hit 4 kids pinning one under my car. It was the most traumatic day of my life and a day I will never forget. I wish I could get some of the memories out of my head as they still haunt me to this day. I spent 3 days in the regular hospital and then another 3 in the psych unit of a second hospital. I had lost my mind. The nightmares and flashbacks had taken over. I remember telling someone that I wouldn't jump off the cliff per say, but wouldn't stop myself from falling either. I was committed on a 5150 but decided to leave after my 72 hours instead of really getting help. I however was also dealing with a JRA flare from the stress of the car accident. I was trying to not take a lot of pain meds though because I wanted out of the hospital. Sometime in 2011 I decided I wanted to go to school for Photography. I applied and got accepted to Brooks Institute in Ventura, California. I moved into one apartment and seemed to get along with the people. It was a mom and her teenage daughter. During this time I developed "sores" for lack of better terms. They at one point cultured back Staph so I wound up in the ER for 2 doses of IV antibiotics. They later got diagnosed as another autoimmune disease.. lovely right? It however took me 2 years to get an answer of what was wrong. From that point on I was living my life and then got super suicidal again in September of 2011. I came up with 2 plans to kill myself and finally asked for help. My aunt ended up taking me to the ER and I spent over 20 hours waiting to be transferred a psych unit (the same one I was at before) I ended up spending 11 days there and got diagnosed Atypical Bipolar and got started on some meds. In Sept of 2012 I started getting very sick to my stomach. It continued on for weeks and I didn't eat and ended up loosing 15 lbs in 11 days. Turns out my gallbladder had failed on me (no stones, just dead, black and inflamed). Had surgery to remove not only my gallbladder but my left ovary as well. The left ovary had a cyst that was determined to be the entire ovary and had to come out. Lastly, this year I have decided I want to focus on psychology for school and have decided to move back home. I think it was the best decision of my life as I have all my friends here, my horse here, my dog here and my cat. It helps a ton to have an awesome support group close by! Oh and I have also lost 34 lbs since september! Weigh in again tomorrow so will update again! So thats all for now, will try and keep updating more! I have been feeling a lot better and riding horses more, and will keep updating more on my daily life! (ok, maybe weekly)