how?

People keep telling me that i can't let the disease control me, and i have to just try and "ignore" it and go do stuff anyways. I know i need to, but i don't know how. Every time i try and push my body to just enjoy a few hours out, i end up getting sicker the next day or that evening. I guess after awhile I stop trying to do things because i am expecting the same out come every time. How do i know when my body is going to put up with me doing more without finding out it wont the hard way?


I keep reading/being told that the disease works by going into "flares" and into "remission", but to be honest i don't feel like i have gone into remission at all since being diagnosed. Its been months since i started getting really sick, and i just seem to get sicker and sicker. Obviously my body was in remission for years at some point because i went without knowing i was sick for 4ish years, but then out of nowhere it just started kicking my ass. What changed? and Why? Its so confusing knowing what to come, when no one can tell me anything for sure. Doctors have told me that the disease can just "burn out", but i don't get that. How can it "burn out" when it is so "on fire" right now? Does it just get worse, and worse, and worse and then disappear out of nowhere? We think we know what caused it, getting hit by a pickup truck as a pedestrian, but what is going to cause it to "burn out". And no don't say "get hit by the car again".

They are changing me from Cimzia to Enbrel starting tomorrow, and then when i get back from France (early July) they want to start me on some new infusion once a month. I don't understand how one medicine is different from the other, but im willing to give it a shot.

No matter what questions i ask, it seems like each answer just gives me more questions. Do i just stop asking questions, or what? Im so beyond confused about what is going on in/with my body, i don't even know where to start trying to figure it out.. hmm

Some days i sit around and try and figure it out, but usually i just wind up in tears because i get so overwhelmed/confused about it all. I don't even know where to start anymore, or where to turn. I want to be able to kick this disease in the ass, but how?