can't seem to shake this feeling....

i don't know if it is still this flare or something else that is leaving me still feeling like crap. but i've just not been able to shake this horrible feeling. If i get up and do stuff i just end up being in more pain, thanks to my hips, but if i don't get up and do anything i still don't feel any better.

Is there some magical balance between not doing anything and doing to much? If so, its obvious i haven't found it yet, since today totally beat my butt.

I went to the barn for the first time since saturday? (i think?) and was exhausted and in pain and barely able to walk by time i got home (was out for only a few hours, and sat down most of the time). I can't seem to figure my body out anymore. I used to know my limits, and what i could and couldn't do, and what i knew i could push my body to do, but regret it the next day. Now i have no idea anymore. Ive taken a burning hot bath (which i may end up doing again this evening) since nothing else seems to be taking the pain away from my hips right now. I've taken a vicodin and a Soma and i really don't want to take anything stronger tonight, but i may have too. I don't know if i will be able to sleep tonight thanks to my hips, and we all know what happens when i don't sleep.. i turn into an evil bitch.


On another note, im supposed to go to the symphony with my grandma, aunt and my parents saturday, but after today i know there is no way that i can sit in those uncomfortable chairs for that long without being able to move. Granted, yes i know i could probably get up and walk around for a little, but it always feels really rude after i have been told so many times to not get up during a show or performance. I know my grandma is going to be disappointed when she finds out that i won't be able to go, because i know this night is important to her (my grandpa who died 10 years ago is being honored by the symphony), but at the same time i know my body would regret me going. im trying to figure out if there is a way that i can maybe join them for dinner, so i still get to spend time with my grandma and aunt, but then not have to go to the symphony? Who knows? I'm not sure if that would even work since i haven't been feeling to comfortable with driving lately.